


So Long, Farewell, Arrivederci, Ciao

by Ytteb



Category: NCIS
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-24 04:52:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6142081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ytteb/pseuds/Ytteb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A possible ... OK, not very possible ... way for Tony to leave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So Long, Farewell, Arrivederci, Ciao

Special Agent Gibbs wasn't given to sighing. He indulged in an occasional roll of the eyes but, on the whole, preferred not to give any indication of possible inner turmoil. On this particular day, however, he allowed himself a sigh at the thought of potential changes to his team. The phone on his desk rang,

"Gibbs."

"The Director is ready for you, Agent Gibbs," said the Director's secretary.

"On my way," he said curtly.

He glanced across at the empty desks in the squad room before picking up his coffee cup and walking up the stairs to Leon's office. In a way, he supposed, this was his fault. Gibbs had come to realise that it was time that Tony DiNozzo moved on: fifteen years on one team was almost a record and Tony was more than ready to take on a new team. So, Gibbs had, by fair means and foul, 'encouraged' DiNozzo to look around for new opportunities. Tony had been suspicious at first, believing that Gibbs just wanted him off the MCRT but eventually, after several conversations across Gibbs' latest woodworking project, he had been brought to see that Gibbs thought he was good enough to lead his own team and that it was time to go.

Gibbs hadn't expected, however, that the first vacancy to come up would be at the office in Naples, Italy and he also hadn't expected the pang which hit him when he thought of DiNozzo going so far away. He had hidden his disquiet and Tony had been interviewed the week before. Now Gibbs was on his way to find out Vance's future plans for the MCRT. Delaying the moment he would get the news, Gibbs knocked politely on the office door and waited for the command to enter.

"Gibbs," said Vance.

"Leon."

"Sit down," said Leon.

Gibbs sat down as directed. Leon wondered how it was that he was able to sit as if at attention.

"DiNozzo did well at the interview," he announced.

Gibbs had mixed emotions. He bristled at the thought that a member of his team shouldn't shine at whatever they did but somehow wished that Tony would have made a mess of the interview. He settled for shrugging.

"I didn't realise he was fluent in Italian," mused the Director, "somehow I thought he just knew pizza toppings and every type of pasta."

Gibbs shrugged again.

"That will be useful in Italy," observed Leon.

"You're going to give him the job, then?" said Gibbs.

"He's the obvious candidate," said Vance, "it'll mean changes for your team, Gibbs."

Gibbs winced at the thought. It was bad enough to lose Tony but he always agonised over new team members and this time he would have to think whether or not to move McGee into Tony's role.

"When you going to tell him?" asked Gibbs.

"Just waiting on one confirmation," said Vance, "and I wanted to make sure you're OK with this."

"Like you said. He's the best candidate," said Gibbs, "job comes first."

"Yeah," said Vance sceptically, "well, if you're sure. Just waiting for the phone call."

"What's the last confirmation?" asked Gibbs trying not to focus on the impending DiNozzo shaped hole in his life and trying not to hope that there would be some sort of holdup.

"Turns out that Agent DiNozzo has lots of family members in Italy. SecNav thought we should check that none of them have Mafia connections. No need to borrow trouble and, if necessary, we can put DiNozzo into the next vacancy that comes up."

Gibbs brightened marginally at this thought and took a restorative sip of his coffee. At that moment there was a knock at the door.

"Come," said Vance.

"Oh. Hey, Director. And hey, Boss," said Tony as he walked into the office.

"Agent DiNozzo, what do you need?" asked the Director.

"We get a case?" asked Gibbs.

"Uh, no. No case, Boss. I just wanted to talk to you about the Naples job, Director," said Tony.

The Director liked to give good news and it was rare that he had any to give so he was in the mood to be generous.

"Sit down, DiNozzo," he said, "I was just speaking with Agent Gibbs about it."

"Oh," said Tony a little nervously as he took a seat next to Gibbs.

"I think I can tell you, Special Agent DiNozzo," said the Director formally, "that we are minded to offer you the vacancy in Naples. You did very well at the interview and it seems that your experience and qualifications suit you for the job. I'm just waiting for one final formality to be cleared up and then the offer will be official. Congratulations."

"Yeah, congratulations," said Gibbs a little half-heartedly.

"Wow," said Tony, "that's great. I didn't think I'd get it. You see …"

He was interrupted by Vance's phone ringing.

"Vance. You have? Good. What?! Say that again. Send me an email with the details. OK, thank you." He put the phone down with a stunned expression on his face.

"Something wrong, Leon?" asked Gibbs.

For answer Vance held up a silencing finger. Tony and Gibbs heard a ding signalling that a new email had arrived on to the Director's computer. They waited while he read it.

"Um, Agent DiNozzo," said Leon, "I was explaining to Agent Gibbs that it was decided to run a check on your family members in Italy."

"Ah," said Tony knowingly, "making sure they weren't Mafioso, eh? I doubt they are. Although Great Uncle Alfredo used to break the speed limit in his pony and trap."

Vance coughed to clear his throat and get his emotions under control.

"No," he said, "no criminal connections. Nothing like that." He stopped as he seemed to unable to control his voice.

"That's good," said Gibbs briskly, trying to move things along.

"That was HR," said Vance, "they said that they contacted your Italian family and they were delighted to hear about you."

"Good," said Tony, confused about why a message from HR should be causing the unemotional Director such concern.

"Yes," said Vance, "it will save them a lot of trouble."

"Leon?" said Gibbs.

"It turns out that your Great Uncle Ambrogio has just died."

"Oh," said Tony, "I've never met him. But that's sad."

"And it seems that he left all his money to you. His great nephew in America," continued Vance.

"Oh," said Tony again.

"Is it much money?" asked Gibbs as Tony seemed to be stunned.

Vance seemed to have something else on his mind, "your Great Uncle who was Marchese of Montecatini!"

"You mean DiNozzo's going to have a title?" asked Gibbs, "your family is aristocracy?" he said to Tony.

"Titles were abolished in Italy," said Tony defensively, "no one uses them now. And anyway, it would be Senior who got the title first."

"But not the money?" asked Gibbs returning to practical concerns.

"No," said the Director, "the will was specific. No money to go to Agent DiNozzo's father. It all goes to DiNozzo."

"How much money are we talking about here?" asked Gibbs wondering if it was Tony's noble blood which prevented him from talking about money although it had never seemed to have stopped him in the past.

Vance looked at the email, "a villa in Tuscany, apartment in Rome, one of the largest vineyards and wineries in Tuscany and a considerable sum of money. Congratulations, Agent DiNozzo. The family lawyer is emailing you with the details."

"I don't know what to say, Director. I didn't expect this to happen. So, about the job …"

"I understand," said Leon graciously, "you will need time to process this before you come to a decision."

"Well …" hesitated Tony.

"DiNozzo," said Gibbs, "there's no need to rush into anything. Take your time."

"It's not that," began Tony before once again being interrupted by a knock at the door.

This time it was McGee and Bishop who came in.

"Case?" asked Gibbs, wondering if Tony's head would be on straight enough to deal with work.

"No, Boss," said Tim eagerly, "we thought Tony would want to hear the news."

"We've already heard it," said Gibbs.

"You have?" said Bishop, "but it was only just on the TV."

"I had a phone call," said the Director, "we know about the inheritance."

"Oh," said Tim disappointedly. "Oh, well. Congratulations, Tony."

"You must be so excited," said Bishop happily.

"Yeah," said Tony who still seemed to be in a daze.

"Makes me wish I'd had a nanny," said McGee.

"Great uncle," said Gibbs, "not a nanny, a great uncle."

"No, Boss," said McGee, "the news said it was a nanny."

"Definitely," said Bishop.

"Since when did journalists get everything right, McGee?" demanded Gibbs.

"Boss is right, Probie," said Tony, "Look how often we get called the FBI," he added broodingly.

"But they had a picture and everything," said Tim, determined not to give way, "look!" He thrust his smartphone in front of Tony.

"That's Constanza," said Tony wonderingly.

"Who's Constanza?" asked Gibbs.

"My nanny," said Tony.

"See!" said McGee triumphantly.

"My former nanny," said Tony hastily, "I don't have one now."

"What's Agent DiNozzo's former nanny done that causes this excitement?" asked Vance.

"She's left Tony three million dollars," said Ellie.

"She's done what?" gasped Tony.

McGee looked at his phone again and read from the report, "It was announced today that Ms Constanza Bustillo, former nanny to the DiNozzo family, left over three million dollars to her former charge Anthony DiNozzo. Ms Bustillo's lawyer explained that his client had always felt guilty because she claimed on a winning lottery ticket bought by Mrs Elizabeth DiNozzo shortly before her death. Ms Bustillo never married or had children of her own and decided that she should leave the winnings to Anthony of whom she had very fond memories. There is a suggestion that Constanza initially thought the prize money would compensate her for some unpaid wages but, over the years, she came to believe that she should not keep the money."

"Wow," said Tony, "and she never said anything. She always sent me a card at Christmas and would knit me scarves and gloves. I just thought she was being kind. A really bad knitter but kind."

"So," said Bishop, "what inheritance were  _you_  talking about, Boss?"

Gibbs coughed. "DiNozzo's been left a vineyard and a pile of money by a great uncle in Italy."

"What?" said McGee.

"And a title," said Vance.

"I told you," said Tony with a hint of irritation in his voice, "they don't use titles in Italy."

"What's the title?" asked Bishop, ignoring this minor detail.

"Marchese of Montecatini," said Vance rolling the syllables over his tongue.

"Wow," said Bishop.

"It's not me," said Tony defensively, "if there was a title. Which there isn't. It would be Senior's, not mine."

"But the money's yours?" asked McGee trying not to feel mercenary.

"Yes, the money's all Agent DiNozzo's," said Vance who felt as if he had become DiNozzo's spokesman.

"So, you've got two inheritances," said Ellie, "Wow," she trailed off wishing that she didn't keep reverting to 'wow'.

"Right," said Gibbs, trying to restore order, "back to work. The bad guys out there haven't just got even one inheritance."

McGee and Bishop reluctantly turned to follow the order but Tony spoke,

"There was something else I wanted to speak to you about, Director."

"Very well," said Vance in a bored voice which belied the fact that he was agog to know what would happen next, "what's on your mind, Agent DiNozzo?"

"Well …" began Tony before once again being interrupted by a knock at the door and the immediate entry of Ducky, Jimmy and Abby.

"Director," said Ducky excitedly but still politely, "We are sorry to interrupt but I feel that this news from across the Pond could not wait …"

"It's all right, Ducky," broke in McGee, "we already know …"

"Hey, McInterruptus," snapped Gibbs, "let Ducky get a word in."

A deathly hush fell in the room. Characteristically it was Tony who recovered first from a Gibbs explosion,

"Boss," he said in a wondering voice, "did you just use a mcnickname?"

Gibbs shrugged modestly, "worked, didn't it?" And indeed its effect had been momentous as it had not just silenced McGee but stunned everyone in the room. Gibbs revelled in the quiet for a moment or two longer and then said, "Duck. We know about the Italian vineyard and the stolen lottery ticket."

"You do?" said Ducky, "that all sounds fascinating but it is not what we came to tell you about."

"Pull up a chair, everyone," said Vance hospitably as he realised the excitement was going to continue for a while.

"Thank you, Director," said Ducky, "I have just received a 'heads up' as I believe the term is, from a friend who works on one of the London newspapers. He tells me that David Paddington has recently passed away."

"David Paddington?" asked McGee, "is that one of your British relations, Tony?" he encountered a glare from Gibbs, "Sorry, Boss," he added hastily, in fear of another mcnickname.

"Great uncle," said Tony sadly.

"Wouldn't want to be one of your great uncles," observed Bishop.

"And why is that, Eleanor?" asked Ducky.

"'Cos they're all dying," said Tony morosely.

"So, Duck," said Gibbs, "what's so important about this guy dying?"

"He is thought to have left the family fortune to our Anthony. It seems he may have had a falling out with Tony's cousin Crispian and so disinherited him."

"And is there much money?" asked Vance casually.

"Indeed there is," said Ducky, "a large country estate …"

"That's been handed over to the National Trust," put in Tony, "the family just live in a wing of the mansion."

Ducky ignored the interruption, "a villa in the South of France, a penthouse apartment in London, a string of race horses, a grouse moor in Scotland and a good proportion of Oxfordshire. Not to mention a considerable private fortune."

"You did just mention it," said Jimmy.

"I beg your pardon?" said Ducky.

"You said not to mention it. But you did. I thought I'd mention it," Palmer finished with a giggle.

"Thank you, Mr Palmer."

"And that's not the best bit," said Abby trembling with excitement.

"Abs?" said Tony with misgiving.

"Do we have to curtsey to you?" asked Abby, "I mean, me and Bishop. 'Cos Gibbs, Vance, Ducky and Jimmy wouldn't curtsey. They'd bow."

"Actually," said Ducky informatively, "Americans do not normally make such acknowledgements and it would not be expected of them. Even when visiting Her Majesty it is not considered necessary for them to bow or curtsey although many do still make this gesture. Why, I remember …"

"Duck," said Gibbs, "Tony's not  _royalty_ , is he?"

Ducky laughed, "Good heavens, no." Gibbs breathed a sigh of relief. "No, not royalty," continued Ducky, "although the family have a long and illustrious history."

"No," said Abby, "Tony's the new Duke of Broog-ham."

"What?" said Bishop, Gibbs, Vance and McGee in unison.

"Abby," said Ducky sternly, "I told you. It's pronounced Broom not Broog-ham."

"What?" repeated the others again.

"Anthony is now the eighth Duke of Brougham. Unusually the title can descend through both the male and female lines which is how our Anthony has inherited the title. Although Crispian might have expected to inherit the family money the title was always going to come to Anthony. May I offer my hearty congratulations,  _Your Grace_?"

The chorus of 'what' came again.

"It is the usual way to address a Duke," said Ducky, "although it may be that Anthony will not insist on such formalities. I believe it is sometimes thought acceptable, in a social setting and between friends, just to use the term Duke."

"DiNozzo," said Gibbs brusquely ignoring the social niceties, "did you know about this?"

"Well," said Tony rousing himself from contemplating the many deaths of his relatives, "I sort of knew that the title would come to me but I was trying not to think about it too much. At least I'll have somewhere to stay if I visit the UK," he added as if trying to find a bright side to the situation.

"It sounds as if you have rather more than that," said Vance drily as he tried to come to terms with the situation. "Congratulations. Again."

"Thank you, Director," said Tony dazedly.

"OK," said Gibbs for the second time, "back to work."

Once again everyone turned towards the door but once again Tony spoke, "um. Could I just say something about the job?"

"Of course," said Vance agreeably although he was itching to phone up his fellow directors and spread the news about his multi-millionaire aristocrat agent.

"It's like this," said Tony looking happy for the first time, "when I thought that Gibbs was trying to get me off the team …"

Another chorus filled the room, this time of 'Jethro … Gibbs … Boss …' in varying tones of reproach.

"Oh. It's OK," said Tony hastily, "we worked it out. It was just the Boss's functional muteness getting the wires crossed. He was trying to tell me he thought I was good at the job and it was time to move onwards and upwards."

The next chorus of 'Jethro … Gibbs … Boss …' was a happier one.

"But while we were working out the kinks," continued Tony, "it made me think about options."

"Options?" said Gibbs with foreboding.

"Yes, options," said Tony, "and then I got an offer."

"From Fornell?" asked Gibbs.

"No," said Tony.

"NSA?" asked Ellie.

"No."

"Homeland?" asked Vance.

"No."

"Wouldn't it be quicker just to let Tony tell us?" said Jimmy in a burst of bravery which dissipated as soon as astonished sets of eyes were turned on him.

"Quite right, Mr Palmer," said Ducky, "you have hit the nail on the head. Would anyone care to know the etymology of that saying?" The bemused eyes were trained on Ducky now. "No," he said, "quite right. That can wait for another day. And, indeed, the meaning is obvious. So, Anthony, pray do enlighten us."

"Well," said Tony, "I've been writing this blog for a while. About movies."

"Indeed," said Ducky, "I would be most interested in reading it. Perhaps you can send me a link to it? But … of course, that is not important at the moment. Please continue."

"And a friend saw it, knew I was looking round for something new. And he suggested …"

"What?" demanded Gibbs as he saw Tony faltering.

"He suggested I join the Film Studies Department at Ohio State."

"To do what?" asked Ducky.

"Some teaching but I'd study for my PhD at the same time."

"Teaching?" asked McGee.

"Yes," said Tony, "why not?"

"I think you'd be wonderful," said Ellie stoutly, "you've been a great teacher to me."

"Yes," agreed McGee, "I guess you have. Good for you, Tony."

"And then," said Tony, "my old football coach suggested I could help train the second string football team as well! Isn't that great?"

"DiNozzo?" asked Gibbs.

"Boss, it's movies and football. At Ohio State. What could be better?" said Tony happily.

"Let me get this clear," said Vance, "you're excited about teaching film at Ohio?"

"And coaching," said Tony as if this made all the difference.

"So," said Vance, "you just found out you've inherited millions of dollars, at least one title and what sounds like half the real estate in Europe and it's going to work in Ohio which has you excited?"

"Yes," said Tony as if it was obvious, "I mean the money's nice. But it's Ohio!"

The others stared at him not knowing what to say. Finally Gibbs tried his mantra again, "OK, back to work!"

There was a moment or two of silence but this time there was no knock at the door and no interruption so everyone left. As they went, the Director heard Tony say,

"I guess I've got some choices to make, Boss?"

Gibbs' hand shot up … and ruffled Tony's hair.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't expect any of this to happen on the show … but I would like Tony to get a happy ending so I wrote him multiple ones!


End file.
